WOLVES AND DAISIES

2011-10-11T01:05:00.000-07:00

I just feel like sharing Gotye's song.

2011-10-11T00:57:00.000-07:00

Now and then I think of when we were together Like when you said you felt so happy you could die Told myself that you were right for me But felt so lonely in your company But that was love and it's an ache I still remember You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness Like resignation to the end Always the end So when we found that we could not make sense Well you said that we would still be friends But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over But you didn't have to cut me off Make out like it never happened And that we were nothing And I don't even need your love But you treat me like a stranger And that feels so rough You didn't have to stoop so low Have your friends collect your records And then change your number I guess that I don't need that though Now you're just somebody that I used to know Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over But had me believing it was always something that I'd done And I don't want to live that way Reading into every word you say You said that you could let it go And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know But you didn't have to cut me off Make out like it never happened And that we were nothing And I don't even need your love But you treat me like a stranger And that feels so rough You didn't have to stoop so low Have your friends collect your records And then change your number I guess that I don't need that though Now you're just somebody that I used to know I used to know That I used to know Somebody . . .

2011-08-17T09:35:00.001-07:00

“And yet does it not all come again to the fact that it is a man’s world? For if a man chooses to be promiscuous, he may still aesthetically turn up his nose at promiscuity. He may still demand a woman be faithful to him, to save him from his own lust. But women have lust, too. Why should they be relegated to the position of custodian of emotions, watcher of the infants, feeder of soul, body, and pride of man? Being born a woman is my awful tragedy. From the moment I was conceived I was doomed to spout breasts and ovaries rather than penis and scrotum; to have my whole circle of action, thought and feeling rigidly circumscribed by my inescapable femininity. Yes, my consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, bar room regulars - to be a part of a scene, anonomous, listening, recording - all is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night…”

—	The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

...

2011-08-10T08:01:00.000-07:00

I know it's disgusting to post some lame love story of mine.

but I'm going to do it anyway, because.. what is there to be ashamed of?

and if you haters are going to comment on this post and tell how pathetic I am, go for it.

I do not care anymore.

so, as you might know, it has ended.

and it breaks my heart,

because after all, he was more than just a boyfriend to me.

he was one of few men that can make me feel safe to be around.

he was the one who planted the idea on my head that I can do anything,

that i just should believe that I can.

he was the very first guy I trusted my heart to.

he was more than a fling.

and maybe you think I'm exaggerating, but I do love him.

His kind spirit and his bravery, his weird voice, his weird half-parted 'stache, his sandalwood scent.

I must say that I have been acting up and calling him names, bad names. I'm sorry.

it's just... I have been very mad at him because he just left.

but maybe by him leaving, I can finally get what I have really wanted all along, for him to be happy.

I'm not saying that I accept all of this yet, I am still struggling.

and yes, I can see that its so easy for him now,

but I have to be honest, this is harder for me than passing SNMPTN test.

what makes this hard might be,

the fact that I have liked this person since my junior year of high school.

I cared about this person. I care about this person.

I have gone through the weird phase of watching him with other girls,

and I'm sensing that I'm going to be in that phase again.

but again, this is life.

this is what I have to deal with.

i know i'm being a lousy schoolgirl who's crying over love, when there are more important stuff to get my head wrapped over with.

and I'm sorry.

but i'm dealing with too many lies, and the last thing I want to do is to lie to myself.

this is, after all, my blog.

and I will write what I want to write.

2011-08-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

I have seen better days.

SEMNAS ALSA 2011!

2011-07-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

keke, me and vania, after the opening ceremony for semnas

opah, at suramadu. pretty bridge!!

house of sampoerna, cigar and cloves

the infamous spicy nasi goreng jancuk, I cried during eating it. tears of kepedesan, not of kegalauan.

- es krim zangrandi!! the rum is nice, the puff is nice. im happy.

I was selected as one of the delegates from ALSA LC Universitas Indonesia to join Seminar dan Workshop Nasional ALSA 2011 that was held beautifully in Surabaya, hosted by ALSA LC Universitas Airlangga.

It was by far one of my best moments in ALSA....

wait, you don't know what ALSA is?

well ALSA is Asian Law Students Association.

you can check the rest of the info here (http://alsaindonesia.org)

I loved the vibe, the hospitality, and the city (yes I even miss the extreme heat of Surabaya!)

I wanted to write a lot more but.......

you know how mager I am. so I will get back to this post as soon as possible.

ciao!

,

2011-07-05T07:17:00.000-07:00

"There is a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't because I thought I would be happy alone.
It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it.
It's easier to be alone.
Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever . . ."

- Meredith Grey

.

2011-06-29T04:28:00.000-07:00

no more bulb.no more referring to the kid on any of my blog. I pushed him away. I pushed one of the best person in my life away.

.....but let's hope things get better!

this is no fashion blog.

2011-04-06T08:39:00.000-07:00

< end >

2011-03-30T07:15:00.000-07:00

thingsweforget.blogpot.com

awesome link
found it in citta's blog

_

2011-03-30T04:16:00.000-07:00

hey. what's up? im supposedly studying and cramming for tomorrow's exam. (hukum agraria… lame I know.) but here I am, reading my old posts, and missing a lot of stuffs. lately, well the past year, actually, I haven't been feeling like myself. I don't really draw anymore, I don't listen to my music anymore, I have a boyfriend now… its making me feel like a normal girl way too much. I don't like being normal too much haha. I'm not complaining or anything, I just feel like Im way better than who I am right now. Who I am becoming is not as good as who I was. The old me was a happy girl, happy because of the simplest stuff. im happy just to see the lights of department store, happy to be able to walk from school to the public library, happy to find any new books in the library, happy to ride a schoolbus with a working iPod while country music blaring in the stereo… And I feel like Im losing that side of me. I have been missing so many things in my life. the things I miss, well some of them are ..

1. volunteering
I used to do volunteering projects, and it's kind of hard to keep it up now with my lousy busy schedules and college stuff. I miss helping little kids with their artwork.. ( I used to do some volunteering in an elementary school's art class) missing the good feeling you have afterwards. I will google some volunteering projects to be done later on. :p

2. .being the only asian kid in school
I miss not having to wear what people wearing, not listening to what people are listening to, you know. I miss being different. I miss not blending in. not fitting in. being different is awesome.

3. drawing
honestly, this is what I miss the most. I miss having charcoal in the tips of my fingers, having my clothes stained with oil paints and my face with watercolor paints. I miss having my artworks hung in the wall of my art class, hung in the art hallway, competing with those bules to get my artwork there is something I miss the most. I have started drawing again tho. but it's not as fun as it was, because Im short of inspirations now. well when you're only dealing with too busy boyfriend who lives 3 hours away and law books to eat up, there's not much inspiration there. well this is straight complaining. I wish I can see this the different way and be grateful of what I have, but it's kind of hard. I really miss my old habits.

the point of me posting this is because… I don't know. I just am sick of who Im becoming and Im trying to bloom into a new me-- again. not by having difefrent people around, but to invent myself all over again. to be grateful and to accept who I am now and making it better and way more awesome-er.

love
x

u and I

2011-01-25T21:11:00.000-08:00

happy2011

2011-01-05T03:40:00.000-08:00

we will be fine.

2010-12-14T03:27:00.001-08:00

Wanted : This girl

2010-12-13T07:05:00.000-08:00

I miss my old self. :(

2010-12-10T01:39:00.000-08:00

"janji ga galak"
you nodded.

keep the promise, i am scared of you being so galak to me lately :(
beside that i really want a pizza right now.
as much as i want our pizza and lemonade days back.

oh hell. it's not you, it's me.
PMS ALERT!

2010-12-09T10:55:00.000-08:00

"You're just like your art. there's nothing wrong with it"

Seth Amar

The Present - Bloc Party

2010-12-09T10:26:00.000-08:00

If you're cold and you're alone
And you don't know where to go
You can call me anytime
Nothing's changed, I am still here

If you're running out of breath
And your building's burning down
You can jump, I will catch you
Nothing's changed, I am still here

With heavy hands and an absent mind
Did I blow your candle out?
With shortened words and a lack of time
Am I ever on your mind?

Was I cruel and never there?
Nothing to rely on
Was our romance a black hole?
You kept the better half than me

Well if you really wanted to know
Well no the earth's not moved for me since
I wish I could've given you lightness
The lightness that you deserve

And they say time is a healer
And time will look after you
I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait
Come over

Come over

Why don't you come over?

Well if you really wanted to know
Well no the earth's not moved for me since
I wish I could've given you lightness
The lightness that you deserve

And they say time is a healer
And time will look after you
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Come over

And I stole you that ring
'Cause I wanted you to have it
And it wasn't about me, I just wanted you to have it
Your smile, baby your smile, baby I come alive

I feel so naked, like before we met
Last night I was so close to just calling you up
They say it takes time to heal the wounds
I can't wait, I can't wait
Come over

blessed.

2010-12-09T10:01:00.000-08:00

Xika,
be grateful you're struggling in the law school.
some people dont get the chance to struggle in any kind of school.
be grateful you still have eyes to see, ears to listen, hands to paint,
functioning organs and yada yada yada.
be grateful you have a cute fat boyfriend who doesn't mind watching you eat a whole set of sushi for yourself, and not letting you go on a diet (yet).
be grateful you have a sister who can impersonate gordon ramsey eventhough she refused to buy you indonesian soccer team's jersey .
be grateful you have the parents who are willing to sit down and watch you and your sister play in the jurassic park.
be graetful you have weird friends. some people dont have any friends.
be grateful you are able to eat rice everyday. some people have to beg for a rice.
be grateful you have internet access. some people dont even know what the heck is internet for.
be grateful you have a passport. be gratefulfor any stuff you own.

bitch, be grateful for one second, please.
love,
the positive side of yourself.

secret message.

2010-12-07T07:12:00.000-08:00

"Still everyday I think about you
I know for a fact that's not your problem
But if you change your mind you'll find me
Hanging on to the place
Where the big blue sky collapse"
Blue Sky Collapse - Adhitya Sofyan

This Adhitya Sofyan's lyric is for my 2 best friends who are going through a stupid break up.
They still hangin on into their own versions of blue sky, waiting for each other to call upon their names.
but people people people, if you keep on waiting while doing nothing, hell..... your lover may slip.

I really want to scream to both of them that deep inside they still love each other and should get back together.
but who the fuck I am riggghhhtt...lol.
So guys, please make up soon. be good.
Love you two!

2:07 am in the morning

2010-12-02T10:55:00.000-08:00

and Im missing the way you used to call my name. so weird.

2010-11-29T09:52:00.000-08:00

"Kekecewaan itu ada karena harapan dan kepercayaan yang muncul tidak terbayar"

so let's not disappoint each other again.

escape plan

2010-11-24T07:51:00.000-08:00

GAAAAAH!

it's been so hectic lately, i feel like I've been pulled to so many different directions. Like I'm losing my head

and Im really pushing myself to get a grip, and not to bury my head in the sand like some freaking ostrich.

so it was refreshing to finally talk to someone that always make myself feel comfortable, as if talking to him can pay all the sleeps Im losing on the process of doing it up.

it's been 11 months now, and I love talking to him as much as..ever.

I can't wait to actually see this person in the near future (...this weekend, baby!)

({})

2010-11-18T06:25:00.000-08:00

"I'm a bit of a manic when it's not as I plan it, Cause I start losing my head

And then I get up in a panic

Remember, when we were kids

And always knew when to quit it

Are we denying a crisis, or are we scared of admitting it?

I don't want to know

I just wanna run to you,

And break off the chains, and throw them away

I just wanna be so much,

And shake off the dust that turned me to rust

Sooner than later, I'll need a saviour

I'll need a saviour"

saviour - lights

It runs in my blood

2010-11-09T07:17:00.000-08:00

Grandad and Grandmum

My sister I

HalfParted Haired Cousin

The Ride

My Sister II

Sosis Kuda!!!

all taken in Bandung, during the last hari raya holiday.

..... I guess it runs in my blood. the weirdness and all. I mean.. who eats sosis kuda on hari raya?

wkwk

night al.

PS: Obama's in town and everyone's going crazy about it.

nahloh

2010-10-28T09:28:00.000-07:00

UTS HAN. mamam pizza bread talk malam malam. morgan. kiss.

I love my man. period.

2010-10-11T10:50:00.000-07:00

im going to stop complaining because it's not alright to say stupid and lame stuff about life. I am happy. and I am satisfied of what I have.

how are you, kid?

2010-09-30T10:46:00.002-07:00

/

2010-09-30T10:11:00.001-07:00

hopes and disappointments are like twins.

another quote

2010-09-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

“Some people turn sad awfully young. No special reason, it seems, but they seem almost to be born that way. They bruise easier, tire faster, cry quicker, remember longer and, as I say, get sadder younger than anyone else in the world. I know, for I’m one of them.”

—	Ray Bradbury

///

2010-09-05T09:29:00.000-07:00

"Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. And intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you’ll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way."

- Janet Fitch

holy coconut! my thoughts scared the heck out of me

2010-08-25T02:14:00.000-07:00

I know that people keep telling other people:

"Oh, come on, you know you deserve something better than this..."

--------------
I was one of the people who used to say this to other people:

"...You deserve something better!"

It was, for me, just another catchy line that supposed to make others feel better and eventually let go of stuff that we think they dont deserve to be put through.

----------
But you see, someone told me the line earlier...

"Come on.... you deserve somethin better, something amazing."

was it someone? or was it just the voice from the back of my mind? the sound of the little people who lives under my cerebellum or something? I dont know.
all I know is that I have never been the one who is in the position that being told that I deserve better, ever before.

----------------

than I come to the thinking...... really? do I deserve better?
and if I do, why is there no one willing to give me anything better?

------------------

and maybe, once again... Im telling myself to be grateful of all I had. and maybe enough is enough. maybe I should just sleep this feeling off. maybe i am depressed. o hell I cant be depressed. Im only like this when Im alone. my stupid, screaming thoughts scared me to hell. oh stupid. youre normal Xika, and you know it.
I cant believe Im actually saying this, but I cant wait for college to start, so I can be around people. at least during the day.

no biggie. I know what I deserve, and I am going to be happy. Im going to work my way up to be happy.

woo hoo.
another depressing post, I know. Im sorry. Im as embarassed as you, readers too.
Ta-Ta!
x

officially 19!

2010-08-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

oh gosh. 19. I am so old.
well, at least I have passed the first 18 years of my life without getting pregnant, arrested for public urination, or anything real weird.

I hope since i am 19 now, I am going to be brave enough to dye my hair green. like Clementine.

ps: thanks for the surprise friendssss :)

and thanks for actually showing up, Mr.Flr,sir :)

Solo dan Jogjakarta

2010-08-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

creepiest babies

Les Paul trio records!

awesome glasses

random shots in pasar triwindu and candi prambanan. pretty.

ola, senor. nachos ulala

2010-08-04T07:32:00.000-07:00

in case you dont want to see me turn into a godzilla,

NACHOS! WITH MELTED CHEESE, REFRIED BEANS AND ALL YOU GUYS!

since when does this blog turn into something so mushy?

2010-08-04T06:14:00.000-07:00

YES! praise the God.

maybe any of you asked in your mind, like I did lately:

since when does this blog turn into this freakin cheesy lovey dovey blog?

oh well. sorry guys. if any of you are actually reading this.

but...... isn't it more fun to know what's going on in your poor, little friend's pathetic life instead of reading something heavy, for once in a while? the purpose of this blog is for me to spill my shallow mind over to silent readers anyway. lol.

so... to end up this post, i will present you another inspiration of my lovey dovey, mushy shallow blog...........................................................

Don't go for second best baby

Put your love to the test

You know, you know, you've got to

Make him express how he feels

And maybe then you'll know your love is real

You don't need diamond rings

Or eighteen karat gold

Fancy cars that go very fast

You know they never last, no, no

What you need is a big strong hand

To lift you to your higher ground

Make you feel like a queen on a throne

Make him love you till you can't come down

(You'll never come)

-Express yourself, Madonna

so, man up, my man.. show me that you aint no second best.

your poor, shallow writer

xika

accept

2010-08-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

I hope we get to eat your birthday cake and my birthday cake next year. and the year after it. I hope I still get to see you, even when I change my glasses. this one Im wearing is the second one since that day. I hope I can still draw your face every now and then. I hope you can still prepare all of your surprise visits. I hope we can still hold hands so i can feel better about stuff. I hope I can still smell your sandalwood scent whenever we hug. I hope we're forever alright. Don't we all?

accept. accept. accept.

tired

2010-07-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

No my brain and my bones don't want to take, this anymore,

so why are you being a dickhead for?

Stop being a dickhead.

fragile

2010-07-05T07:25:00.000-07:00

壊れやすい : 私に, あなたのための

"it might have been more fun if we had more time"

2010-07-03T21:20:00.000-07:00

It's funny though, isn't it? All that poetry and all those songs, about
something that lasts no time at all.
__ Jenny, An education (2009)

time, time
how funny it works.
time time time time time time. hell with time.

dead bird

2010-07-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

am I right choosing law school? am I right to be with people I am with right now?

because I do feel less and less everyday. is it what they called growing up? because I am not really in favor of these questions popping out in my mind every second.

I want to be asleep. asleep until I am 30, and missed the best suffering years in my life.

2010-07-02T12:23:00.000-07:00

it's like a subconscious thing. it's like someone inside my head tells me:

"dont play with this one, xika. you will fall too hard, and it
will be a really long, hard, torturing process."

I did. I think I fell too hard.

and I'm praying, dear God Almighty, for there will be a matress down there.
and please, make the long, hard, torturing process worth it.

gosh Im tired.

spending this night quoting Foer

2010-07-02T11:06:00.000-07:00

"I got tired, I told him. Not worn out, but worn through. Like one of those wives who wakes up one morning and says I can't bake any more bread. You never bake bread, he wrote, and we were still joking. Then it's like I woke up and baked bread, I said, and we were joking even then. I wondered will there come a time when we won't be joking? And what would it look like? And how would that feel? When I was a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder. Everything moved me. A dog following a stranger. That made me feel so much. A calender that showed the wrong month. I could have cried over it. I did. Where the smoke from the chimney ended. How an overturned bottle rested at the edge of a table. I spent my life learning to feel less. Every day I felt less. Is that growing old? Or is it something worse? You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness." — Jonathan Safran Foer

Someone I miss the most

2010-07-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

myself, one year ago. that's the only person I miss right now.

sadly, I have feelings too.

2010-06-28T19:35:00.000-07:00

i caught myself thinking this; I totally feel like wanting to quit every single job Ihave right now, walk away and be in my tankini somewhere far, somewhere warm.

But life, my dear self, is not about quitting, it's not about going somewhere warm and give up. It's about doing some shit you dont want to do in law school because your parents just wont let you enroll into an art school.

it's about dealing with some obsessed, ambitious people when all you want to do is lay on your back, draw some koalas in electric chair while listening to all artists from Glasto this year.

Life, to you, my dear self, is about staying up late to deal with some judge's jurisprudence,analyze it, while all you want to do is analyze why your tummy became so big.

life, to you, my dear self, is a boring process of waking up, doing routines, and not feeling so proud about it Yet, it's not about quitting either.

Life is about having to deal with your loved one being 3 hours away, practically have no time for anything else beside that college thing he has-well, I pretty much just go on with this one and pretend that it's..well..ok

Oh my dear stupid, 18 year old self , life might be screwed up.

Or maybe you, my dear self, should just be thankful or whatever wise people would say you should do,

it's just law school, right? dear, my dear fat self, deal with life.

"well, because it's only natural for you and him.."

2010-06-28T19:32:00.000-07:00

'Cause I'm always where I need to be and I always thought I would end up with you eventually

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

2010-06-18T11:11:00.000-07:00

So light a candle on your cake

For every smile you've helped create

For every heart and every soul

You've known to grow a little more

A few more pounds, a little more grey

Don't count the years just count the way

It takes a little time to go from water into wine

(Birthday song - Corrine may)

happy birthday my dude, my gossip friend, my Fachril.

A birthday is just another 365 days around the sun. Enjoy the trip.

or maybe not.

2010-05-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

I am watching Titanic goes down as my life goes up.

2010-05-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

you know what feels so good when you get stressed out by finals?

to get a surprise visit from that
particular someone, with a box of cake on his hands, and watching him play with my rabbit :)

hugs!

family comes first.

2010-05-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

- My internal mooting team. I love them like heck. it's really nice to know that you'll spend the time with people who care about you, and actually listen to you. we are awesome, Great rookie Lawyers!

Dear, my dearest boy in the universe.

2010-05-12T11:37:00.000-07:00

I've been alone with you inside my mind/ And than my dreams I've kissed your lips/A thousand times/I sometimes see you/Pass outside my door/Hello!/Is it me you're looking for?/I can see it in your eyes/I can see it in your smile/ You're all that I've ever wanted /And my arms are open wide/Because you know just what to say/And you know just what to do/And I want to tell you so much/I love you/I long to see the sunlight in your hair/And tell you time and time again/How much I care/Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow /Hello!/After got to let you know/Because I wonder where you are/And I wonder what you do/Are you somewhere feeling lonely?/Or is someone loving you?/Tell me how to win your heart/For I haven't got a clue/But let me start by saying I love you/ Hello!/ Is it me you're looking for?/ Because I wonder where you are/ And I wonder what you do/ Are you somewhere feeling lonely?/ Or is someone loving you?/ Tell me how to win your heart/ For I haven't got a clue/ But let me start by saying I love you

- Hello, Lionel Ritchie

I miss your abnormality, kid.

there

2010-02-15T07:52:00.000-08:00

cheese to my macaroni

just.. go to my tumblr

2010-02-06T07:31:00.000-08:00

http;//tumblr.com/glitterheads

love.

surprise surprise surprise!!

2009-12-28T20:31:00.000-08:00

Disty's surprise was fun. masks, fireworks, good friends, good food..... awesomeness.

as I think more, now I know that being happy is enough.

2009-12-17T18:13:00.000-08:00

She was close/close enough to be your ghost.....................

And I elongated my lift home/Yeah/ i let him go the long way round/I smelt your scent on the seat belt/And kept my short cuts to myself.....

(Cornerstone - AM)

(Window) Shopping Day

2009-12-11T19:39:00.000-08:00

So yeah... the hell with finals. Im probably failing intro to jurisprudence. So me, Etin, Bening and Citta went to Plaza Indo to go see the Xmas edition of Brightspot Market, and did some late night sale (window) shopping. I got some striped cardi from Cotton Ink and a sketch bok from Whiteboard Journal. splurgezzzzzz.

ZARA cape. like... superwant. drool.

helping out Etin for her Xmas dress pick at (X)SML

the nike sneakers in Archive Consignment Store booth @ Brightspot Market

By now, you should know that my blog is just pictures so please dont like harsh-comment me for the sucky pics. took it from my cellphone cam. before it went totally dead from the PINGs I got.

Salem.

2009-12-06T02:52:00.000-08:00

(photos from Ayya's birthday bash, Tumblr)

fvckity

2009-12-04T21:14:00.000-08:00

I will. move up to NYC. and like just draw all day long. all effin day long.
catch you later, my future Brooklyn studio apt!

and yes, I've been singing Arctic Monkeys' The Fire and Thud lately.

And you're hiding in my soup
And the book reveals your face
And there's a splashing in my eyelids
The concentration continually breaks
I did request the mark you cast
Didn't heal as fast
I hear your voice in silences
Were the teasing of the fire
be followed by the thud?

O well on the mean time, I'm gonna study some more state science for my final exam. wish me luck peeps :/

xx

Our Own Glastonbury.

2009-12-01T05:03:00.000-08:00

Me and a couple of friends went to that Jazz Goes to Campus thing in the faculty of economy, Universitas Indonesia- Depok campus. It was hell rainy that day. it was so muddy and all, my fricken flats was kind of destroyed. I should've worn boots. rainboots. but the day was kinda cute tho. nice cute. bother to look at the snapshots? (all frm bening's cam)

Bening took this pic I guess. since she's not in it. LOL.

Olivia Ong!

yup. Timur's like that on daily basis.

met up with Ail.

:) xx

2009-11-27T20:22:00.000-08:00

I've been missing Elliot and Beth, Amy and Justin's beautiful kids. I miss them like crazy. I wish I can pack them to Jakarta.

and yeah, Ive been watching Skins. I love Maxxie. Why oh why, all cute guys have to be gay?

PS: you still owe me something. lol jk

Cheer up, we have friends!

2009-11-24T04:01:00.000-08:00

I dedicate this post to all of my friends, hope we all be happy! xx

Gosh.

2009-11-24T03:06:00.000-08:00

Today's air was really different. It's like, it was so gloomy and all, like something's gonna happen. Something big. There was something in the air, hanging on the atmosphere. Not love. Everyone's sick of love.

Well that was about right. it was a hectic day, for sure. It's like surprises came along the way, not really in a good way of surprises, if you know what I mean. And, yeah... I didn't order drama to my life plate, but it came out anyway.......

Enough for the intro.

-------------------

I've been reading my old posts on this blog, and I realized that I lost something big :

me. my old self.
the one who gets home, take my sketchbook, and sketch away.
the one who talks about music. the bands.
those bands most never heard of.
me, who made a mutant cat out of weird wires on the corner of my school's art room.

who talks about transparent shoes with my buddy.
who learned how to say "fuck you" in 4 different languages.
who tries to read George Orwell's books but ended up in Palahniuk.

who kicks butts in Wii sports (Tennis, it is!)
who befriends goths and skaters and freaks.
and cheerleaders and jocks too.
me, who eats chewy bars, and wears Yo Gabba Gabba shirt on daily basis.

it's been ages since I felt like myself. maybe because I used to be like... "O, how I want to be normal!!" and stuffs, but dude... I guess I'm born to be abnormal. so I'm gonna celebrate it.

I mean, I have great life now, I'm in law school, the best in the country, they said. I have really super-major-nice friends, I have people I like around me and stuff.

It's just, sometimes, I miss my old self. The grinning weirdo from a possible other planet.

"It was hug a Minnesotan day yesterday"

2009-11-21T06:29:00.000-08:00

Talking to Jonny. Finally. after quite a bit.

jawknee. says:
well that is good. I didn't know you wanted to be a lawyer.

xika says:
I.. dont.

jawknee. says:
then what?
why are you there?

xika says:
well i applied for business school, but it was pretty spendy.
my dad wanted me to get in to law school.
so here I am. i'm planning on working for the UN tho
so it probably helps.

jawknee. says:
United Nations? You know they don't like anyone who isn't white there.
lol
just kidddding.
I think that would be really cool actually.

then we talked about how he pretends to know Adam Young from that band Owl City, because the band's from Owatonna yo! O-Town represent!! I guess I just miss Minnesota :-(
xx

2009-11-20T07:34:00.000-08:00

...and I love my jelly bean pink nail polish.
and browsing on Jeremy Scott's web.
I like when we sent random pics.
Talk about music and peeps, anyone?
x

2009-11-20T05:05:00.000-08:00

have been playing on Hasbro's my little pony page because of my sister Xisi.
Having back ache.
But you've been really mushy and nice lately.
So i guess I'm OK.

Don't Worry

2009-11-18T05:03:00.000-08:00

All I can ever be to you, Is a darkness that we know,
And this regret I got accustomed to
Once it was so right, When we were at our high
Waiting for you in the hotel at night
I knew I hadn't met my match, But every moment we could snatch
I don't know why I got so attached
It's my responsibility, And you don't owe nothing to me, But to walk away I have no capacity

He walks away
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown
And in your grey, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own...

I don't understand, Why do I stress the man,
When there's so many bigger things at hand,
We could a never had it all, We had to hit a wall,
So this is inevitable withdrawal,
Even if I stop wanting you,
A Perspective pushes true,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon

How can I play myself again?
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men,

So we are history, your shadow covers me
The sky above, A blaze only that lovers see

He walks away, The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown, And in your grey, My deep shade, My tears dry.

Tears Dry On Their Own - Amy Winehouse

2009-11-18T04:44:00.000-08:00

I want to be happy and weird like usual.

2009-11-17T05:31:00.000-08:00

hey bulbsky, this picture looks supermad right? supermad as in superkewt, of course.

my friend's quote.

2009-11-17T05:28:00.000-08:00

"I wish I were the only one in the universe that
could make you happy and
filled your dreams with lemon colored clouds
that tasted like banana bread."

- Kartika E ( kartikaeprilla.blogspot.com )

urm, yeah.

2009-11-17T05:15:00.000-08:00

Okay here's the thing, despite of whatever you do or you don't:
I like you as much as I like my jellybean pink nail polish.

2009-11-16T04:43:00.000-08:00

just tell me what you freaking want. stop messing with my head, because I don't really like what I am right now. It's kind of hard living with insecurities, you know.
love,
x

2009-11-15T02:52:00.000-08:00

the fake moustache i gave you.

2009-11-12T09:26:00.001-08:00

no worries. I'm all chilled.
the sad posts and all, it was just my hormones. you know, teenage.
x

can we be them? you, and I?

2009-11-11T06:36:00.000-08:00

2009-11-11T06:29:00.001-08:00

My friend Witha said thatI will look just fine if my hair's messed up like Cory's. but you see, it's not the same.

2009-11-11T06:18:00.000-08:00

thank you for being nice, but please. i beg you please, don't do this just to be nice.
x

2009-11-11T04:51:00.000-08:00

Dear God, it's me Xika. and I want cereals and cold milk.

.......

2009-11-09T07:19:00.000-08:00

I HATE BEING MELANCHOLY FOR GOD'S SAKE.

...

2009-11-09T07:08:00.000-08:00

If you're here just to remind me of what i can not have, and you're just messing around with a head (mine, in this case) I will.. show you the exit door :(

O that's a bullcrap. I probably wont let go of you, because.... I'm that dumb.

you should know who you are.

2009-11-07T19:56:00.000-08:00

I want to be thin and strikingly gorgeous

I don't want to be in a constant bad mood.

I want to be crazy and nice all at the same time.

I want to stop eating. I want to be anyone but me.

I want to wear grey clothes. I want to be werewolf. I want to fly in a sky, full of LSDs

I want to be good at sports. Other than mind sports.

I want to be Belle. I want to be Jack. I want to be Keira. I want to be Dave.

I want to live without consequences. I want to be a mafia. I want to dye my hair green.

I want to write love letters with invisible ink.

But hell with those, all I ever wanted is you.

surprise for bisma the pokeguy

2009-10-24T03:45:00.001-07:00

Bisma and Goofy

After the surprise, Kosan Josu

Birthday Video for Bisma!

Happy Birthday Bisma!! ♥

dear diary

2009-10-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

dude, what should I do if I fall too deep for you?

deer

2009-09-29T04:29:00.000-07:00

this is Xisi. My sister. AND SHE IS A DEER

Hi There.

2009-09-26T03:42:00.000-07:00

MEW

2009-08-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

are you, my lady are you? my lady are you, are you?

me and Mya

have you ever?

2009-07-16T00:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like....
you dont have any friends, when in fact everyone's friend with you?
like your friends shifted from your alternative crowds to popular ones?
like shit??

Music!

2009-05-18T12:17:00.000-07:00

Total babe!

I watched them on sunday at a park in twin cities ( I totally forgot the park's name)

and they were awesome. I small talked with the vocalist (clara?) and helped her with rootbeer cag. hahaha sweet time.

Inspired

2009-05-18T11:34:00.000-07:00

our films got in

+

Isabelle McNally

+

clay

can't i live with my passion? can we just forget about money and stuff and just do what we love?

Luke Worrel

2009-05-06T12:14:00.000-07:00

you know what I want? I want to be Kelly Osbourne. Her Luke is so hot I can burst in flame if 'm in 5 m radius from him. wow my english is terrible. woah woah

Im reading NME.com right now.

2009-05-05T11:32:00.000-07:00

What? The horrors forthcoming album is called “Primary Colours”? why? I thought they only wear black. It’s not like Im against it, Im actually delighted because it means world is shifting their color palettes. Lol.

AA! Natasha Khan. My alter ego. Just kidding. I don’t dance in public with glitter tears and feathers. Wait. I think Natasha Khan has her own alter ego. Not like Sasha Fierce tho.

My Life- lately.

2009-05-01T11:11:00.000-07:00

-In My Head

What Ive' been doing lately?

well.. let's see.

When I'm not doing the stock market thing for economics ( I'm thinking of buying Urban Outfitters' stock lol) , I'll be learning about Spanish Painter Fransisco De Goya for Artist Study and trying to make my own rendition of his "Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters" etching. Or else, I'll be eating with a bunch of weird but nice people at lunch.

xika

Prom!

2009-04-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

Max, Me, Rafael

Me, devi, taylor

Our group!! (BrittanyNora,Sarah &Me)

Devi & Brad- they are so cute

yeah I dont write. I have pictures tho. it made me wonder why I made blog in the first place lol.

South Dakota trip was so tight!

2009-04-21T08:09:00.001-07:00

cansei de ser sexy - with Camilla and Jessica on the corn palace
with Ness at the Badlands (Chinese version of Arinta ;p)

With Sang- my Favorite South Korean girl

With Lukas

with chelsey and sophie - My favorite chinese girls ever!
doing the thinking stache with Maik (that's how he spelled his name btw)
On Mt.Rushmore with Vassa - My camera went dead afterwards ;-(
On Walldrug with the boys. Maik tried to impregnate the western lady. jk.
chiilin on the hot tub on our last night together :-((((

I ♥ SD Trip!!

I ♥ NY!

2009-04-15T07:59:00.001-07:00

I'll post some more later on <333333

your ordinary life is not as ordinary as you may think

2009-04-07T11:33:00.001-07:00

"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time.when I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time."

- Photograph, Jamie Cullum

I miss my high school!

- Social2009

- Student Council ......I miss my blazer :-(

My Friends:

♥♥♥♥♥

I even miss my sister.

"Siapa Yang Tau Harga Monas?

" hah?"

"Tukang Ojek"

- my last text I got from my sister, Xisi

xo

p.s: the Chimera magazine (my high school's literary magazine asked me to submit my artworks for their next issue- cool :-D ) it made my day!

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr : funny how my brain works

2009-04-06T11:44:00.000-07:00

I'm in state of panic right now.....

my friends back home are like already accepted in college and stuff, and I'm here doing art project and enrolled in a junior math class.

I've made up my mind, and my target for college is : Economics major in University of Indonesia (UI)

And I have no stinkin idea how will I get into that uni with only at least 2 months of preparations.

-_________-

Hey I watched that 'THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PAJAMAS' movie the other day, and even though I slept on some parts of the movie, I can still say it's a really good movie. That was exactly what I needed after that 'know1ng' movie. that was a weirddddd movie.

- good movie

Bryanna gave me her senior picture today.
the note was:

'goldfish, marker wars, and Finland!!'

HAHAHAHA

xo

FRED FIGGLEHORN IS MY HOME DOG!

2009-04-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

- coolest 6 year old in the interenet world

oh im bored. im alone at home, having cramps. what should i do?

oh i know.

fredfigglehorn.com!!!!!!!!!!!

i laughed. hard. fred. oh fred. i can be your judy!

CHUPACABRA!

2009-04-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

discovery of the day:

Chupacabra in Texas

"your face is like," she was like.

regret of the day:

my crush's bestfriend looks like 1950's barbie. my favorite kind of barbie. and they are always together forever. forever. oooouuuuuu.

quote of the day:

" Bless You, Ganteng......"
- Yulia, after our kecengan bersin. huahahahahahhaha

My Dream Last Night :
My real parents came to Owatonna and spent the night in my room so I had to sleep on the couch. ouch.

My Song Line Of The Day:

You're chatting to me, like we connect
But I don't even know if we're still friends
It's so confusing,
Understanding you is making me not want to do

And think things like: 'I know I should do'
But I trip up and then I lose
I hate looking like a fool

- Kate Nash's pumpkin soup

My Guilty Pleasure:

iCarly. always made my day even if I had to watch it by myself in the dark.

Go Here And Spread The word.....................

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGeYJOegtQc

I Love Any Sauce That Is White.
Ciao.

Xika

First Day Of The Last Quarter

2009-03-31T11:43:00.000-07:00

go change it to past tense by yourself!

- my school

Wake up. 5.45. rrrr school! Went back to sleep. Alarm . O-ow. 6.30. Wake up. Get in my clothes. Yay new skirt. Put on sweatshirt. Put on my empire jacket. Go potty. Wash my face. Brush my teeth. Straighten my hair. Straighten my hair more. Take my backpack. Check outside temperature. Put on my shoes. Make a toast. Spread some butter. Yum. Check my mail. Wait for bus. Still waiting. Where is it? Oh 6.57. time to go out. Attacked by 2 dogs - Ginger and that neighbor dog. Stand beside mailbox. Look at the sky. When is it going to be warmer? Get inside the bus. Put on my iPod on shuffle. Kate Nash’s Pumpkin soup , lucky me.

Get breakfast. Blueberry muffin. BLUEBERRY MUFFIN??? IT COULD’VE BEEN BETTER! I mean it’s first day of school, lunch ladies! Sitting quietly. Waiting for anyone to come. 7.45. say hi to yulia. Say hi to nora. Talk to yulia. Walk upstairs. Talk to yulia. Go to advisement class. Bzzz. Get new schedule from Mrs. B. people from other advisement class came. Say hi to jonny. Say hi to Brandon. Staring at the wall. 20 more minutes. 5 more minutes. 2 more. Bell. Walk to first hour. Talk about transparent converse shoes- (not the glow in the dark ones) and toe socks with Jonny. First hour. Economics. Assigned seat. Boring.
Second hour. Art. Talk to Vivian about Washington DC. Make little mutant cat with wires. Draw the mutant cat. Talk to Brittany in hallway. Her teacher made her type KKK for her 1st hour. Ha-ha-ha.

Third hour. Say hi to people. We have quiz tomorrow?? On 2nd day?? Go to lunch. Oow I ordered pork. Oh I can put it aside. Yes. Go to third hour. Say bye to max and Rafael. Go to fourth hour. Talk to bryanna. Brandon. Yulia. Yulia is so weird. Hungry hungry. Eat too much but still hungry. Go home. OUCH! Cold! Not a good day to wear skirt. Good thing I wear short under it. Get home.

Say hi to dad. Go potty. Do the math review. Say hi to mike. Watch Oprah. Make supper (hamburger helper haha). Say hi to mom. Eat supper. Watch the village ( adrien brody!!!!). take a shower. Watch news. Fall asleep. Go to bed. Dream about rabbits.

P.S: I got my prom dress!

bleeker fame

2009-03-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

I Tried running the other day. man how I'm so out of shape. even dressing up as paulie bleeker didn't help me running

- me, as paulie bleeker

- the real paulie bleeker

xoxo.